Before you tell me how to get out of the storm,
have you taken time to understand what it feels like to be standing in it?
Put yourself in the position of the person with their back to you.
Notice the tornado.
Notice how many of the thoughts are absolute, harsh, and overwhelming.
Now imagine standing in the middle of that storm while someone outside shouts:
“Take every thought captive.”
“Get it together.”
“Focus on your job.”
“Just think positive.”
They may be trying to help.
But before we tell someone how to get out, perhaps we should first understand what it feels like to be in there.
Reflection Questions
Take a moment to put yourself in the position of the person with their back to you. Resist the urge to fix, diagnose, or advise. Simply observe.
- What words in the tornado catch your attention first?
- Which words do you tend to dismiss as “just thinking”?
- What assumptions might you make about this person if you couldn’t see the storm?
- How might your response change if you could?
Now consider your own responses when you encounter someone who is struggling.
- Have you ever assumed someone was not trying hard enough?
- Have you ever mistaken overwhelm for laziness, weakness, lack of faith, or unwillingness?
- When someone is struggling, do you become curious or corrective?
- How do you know the difference?
- Have you ever offered advice before understanding the person’s experience?
- What might you miss when you rush to provide an answer?
- How can you help someone feel seen before trying to help them?
Can we learn to see the storm before we start shouting directions?
How can you help someone feel seen before trying to help them?
If you were standing in the tornado, what would you need someone to say to you?
In this picture, who do you want to be?
The person on the left shouting directions into the storm?
Or the person on the right taking time to understand before responding?